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Energy Suckers & Compassion

Updated: Jun 20, 2018

It's raining. It's been a day from hell dealing with the outside world and in particular, people.

The Boyfriend sits on the couch, I can hear the sounds of gun shots, cars screeching and men shouting at each other as I open the front door. Some violent movie is being streamed into our home again. I wedge open the door, now catching on the floor and opening just enough that I can shimmy in sideways - the result of some plumbers bursting our geyser and running for the hills. It makes for a relaxing entrance. Not.


He sits, beaming from ear to ear as he welcomes me home from a full day at the studio. I stand in the doorway, body laden with bags and yoga mat and house keys that won't come out of the lock, eyes wild, misted with tears and rain drops, lip curled under, skin blotchy and tight.


I see the expression on his face change from one of smiling to sheer panic as the realisation of my mood sets in. "...What happened?"

 

We've all experienced energy suckers in our life before, those both consciously and unconsciously stealing our energy for their own needs. Too self-absorbed by their own baggage to see the impact they're having on you. In order to do so, would mean consciously placing their own baggage aside for a moment so they can acknowledge yours. Instead, they rest, placing their bags on your shoulders. If you're lucky, they peak around and ask how you're doing but before you can answer, their attention has wandered.


I experienced such an encounter that left me completely worn out. A individual in my training, a dominating force of a personality, more than comfortable with their words, has yet to learn to listen in earnest. Instead, they see a pair of rounded shoulders as a place to slam down their thoughts, weighing heavily upon their newly garnered bag carrier.


And yet it's hard to see it as any fault of their own, when society has taught us to listen to react instead of listen to understand. Yet when someone asks how you're doing and then cuts you off mid sentence, it can be incredibly difficult to not back hand the snot out of them. Or when the same person is highly offended to not have your full attention as they release their needs onto you.


Our initial reaction is to feel wounded, unimportant, unworthy of connection, while our counterpart sucks up the energy around them to feed their own self-importance. So what exactly do we do?


Compassion is a strange concept. It asks us to understand without judgement. To accept that which we cannot control and to release it back into the world. It asks us to express ourselves without anger and blame at those who have wronged us but to rather share our feelings in a way that communicates our side, without accusing the wrong doer. This form of conversation can be challenging. It requires us to converse in a way that doesn't seek to control or force an outcome.


I can share with you how I feel but I can't do so with the expectation of changing you or your perception of the situation. Sounds difficult, right?


Our natural state of being seeks to preserve our ego, so when we are wronged, we seek to show the wrong doer their sins and rub their noses in it so that they feel equally as bad. Yet there are a few problems with this...


1. We rarely express our feelings accurately and both parties are left feeling hurt and attacked.

2. We extend so much of our energy into righting our bruised ego that we often end up more drained than before.

3. We lose our connection to ourselves and to each other.


Compassion asks us to accept that we each carry our own narrative and that this narrative shapes how we see and interact with the world around us. We cannot change each other's stories. They're built up over years of experiences, environments and transitions. What we can do, is learn to step out of the fight and into a space of understanding, where both parties can feel their hurt and suffering, express it as best they can and leave feeling seen.


This is not an instant change that we can make. Compassion is a practice and we will fall from the horse many times. The important thing is that we get back up each time and try that much harder until it becomes our second nature.


If we can seek to understand ourselves, the world around us and the millions of ways we as a society perceive it, we can extend ourselves to those in need without being tossed into their spiral of eternal energy sucking.


I fell off the horse when I came home fuming from a hard day of being unheard, which left me feeling disconnected from my body and those around me. I was lucky that there was a warm embrace with kind words to ease the tears, waiting for me at home.


His advice was sound. Do not seek to control that which you cannot. Step away from situations that seek to draw you into their darkness. Reach out to those in need without compromising your own and understand that while you may be dealing with your baggage head on, not everyone has that luxury, knows they need it or has the support to do so.


Be compassionate. Be curious. Be kind.






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